Courtney Paige Barnett

Stop Saying I Have Daddy Issues Just Because I Call Them My Dead Gary Issues

Clear Purses To Show Everyone Just How Much You Spit Into Your Purse!

Mmm Look at This Pie I Baked That None of My Thin Children Are Allowed to Eat

Make Eye Contact With The Groupon People In Your Pilates Class

I Pierced My Clit To Enhance My Sex Life And All It’s Gotten Me Is Months of Explaining That To People

Cultures You Can Safely Appropriate Because They Don’t Have Internet

Balance Your Masculine and Feminine Energies By Almost Beating a Man to Death and Nurturing Him Back to Health

Vintage Looks So Authentic We Swear You’ll Contract Polio

Consuming Activated Cashews Is Like Getting Railed By Mr. Peanut And We Can't Recommend It Enough

Protect Our Nation's Forests So I Have A Place to Play Pretend Witch

Flowy Dresses That'll Make Wind Go, 'Whoosh! Me Wanna See What's Under There!'

Second Laptop Purchased to Make Extra Room for Stickers

Fetish of the Month: Docking On Your Bros

A Log Of Every Inadequate Day Since Smelling This $140 Candle

My Child's Private School Is Diverse In That There Are Black Dolls

You Quit Smoking? That's Nice. I've Quit 18 Times!

Fetish of the Month: Butt Hickeys

Color Of The Month: Mortified Pale

Wow! This Woman Stood Up to Gender Norms By Naming Her Son 'Vagina'

Butterfly Emerges from Chrysalis Earlier Than Other Butterfly Friends and With Awesome Boobs

How to Take Back the Word 'Cunt' Without Being a Bitch

7 Women's Supplements That'll Molt Your Body Like A Snake Skin and Let You Start All Over

How to Support Women Without Encouraging This Small Irish Village’s Banshee

Male Feminists Who Are Hot, Thank God

24-Hour Makeup Perfect for Vegas Benders with Michelle

Leg Stretches That Say, ‘My Vagina Is Right Here’

How to Sage Your Vagina After Tyler’s Negative Energy Dick

How to Laugh at His Jokes So Believably You Push Your Tampon Out A Little

If My Mother-in-Law Gave Me Homemade Jams Should I Assume It's to Eat Off Her Son's Body?

Masculine Voices to Give Your Cat So Your Boyfriend Likes Cats

Sorry I’m Late, I Woke Up to My Bangs Sticking Out Like a Headband Visor Again

How to Steam Your Vagina After You’ve Lost Everything Good in Your Life

4 Perfume Atomizers That Scream, ‘Yeah, I Took A Burlesque Class Once’

Unisex Clothes That Are Unflattering On Every Gender

Woman Suspicious Boyfriend Also Had Feelings for Past Women He Dated

How to Just Grab His Hand and Cram It Into Your Vagina

Candie’s Shoes to Buy With That Kohl's Gift Card Aunt Sue Insisted on Giving You

Wow! This Couple Knows Each Other’s Passwords But Not The Words to Crazy Town’s 'Butterfly'

4 Relationship Problems You Can Maybe Fix with A Baby Named Ocean

Own The Room By Introducing Yourself with, 'I Came to Fuck'

Father’s Day Gifts for the Man Who Has Everything But Doesn’t Think Women Should

Men Nice Enough to Let You Walk Between Their Hallway-Obstructing Conversation

Clear Purses To Show Everyone Just How Much You Spit Into Your Purse!

Ska Waiter Would Like to Tell You About The Specials

Punk Roommate Has Yet to Be Seen Drinking Water

Articles I've written for comedy sites and marketing content for companies and small businesses.

Punk Girlfriend Confused Why “Boyfriend Jeans” Aren’t Skinny Black Cut-Offs

Creepy Old Attic Sadly Not Haunted, Just Full of A Bunch of Lame Dead Bodies

Vegan Dog Doesn’t Know It

GIRLS NIGHT OUT! The Street Harassment Video Game

Parent Who Is Reason for All Your Problems Suggests Listening to Happier Music