Angry, under-appreciated writer willing to do good work for decent pay
If you pay me 45USD per hour, I will write the shit out of whatever you need me to write. I will neither overcharge nor undercharge, and I expect there to be enough trust between you and me to know that I will work on my writing assignment hard for every minute that I bill you.
I hope that my writing here will speak for itself, but for what its worth, I graduated summa cum laude from Vanderbilt University in 2013 as a double major in psychology and philosophy, the latter of which earned me honors thanks to an optional graduation thesis I completed on the topic of bullshit (Google “On Bullshit by Harry Frankfurt”). I also received a perfect score on the English part of the GRE, earning myself a spot in graduate programs at the University of Chicago, Columbia, and the Ohio State University, where I studied analytic philosophy for a year before deciding to quit.
I have written college application essays for high school students. My writing has gotten students accepted into Cornell, Columbia, Emory, USC, Carnegie Mellon, and other top schools.
I have written on my own Onion-like satire blog and received kudos and laughs.
I have written on Wikipedia, getting myself into fights that I usually win.
Every single college paper I have written (except for one) has earned me a score between 93 and 100, with the average being closer to 100.
My tolerance for grammar mistakes is nearly zero.
My best friends are my dogs and cat, the keyboard I play on jazz and wedding gigs, and the one that I am using to type this.
I am 100% capable of writing anything that you want me to write, so long as I am given the necessary information.
I am a little drunk, but not so drunk that I can’t write.
Bring it.
P.S. I can type at a rate of 132 words per minute, so you know I won’t be wasting your time and money.